I have judged my body my entire life. I saw it with the eyes of society and deemed myself unworthy. My thighs were too big. My butt was too big. My stomach wasn’t flat enough. I have cellulite and stretch marks and the belly pooch that comes after having kids.
I stayed stuck for many years in perpetual frustration with how my body looked. It is only these past few months that I have made significant strides in letting go of the body I strived my entire life to have. I was invited to join a Facebook group full of women of all shapes and sizes who are learning to love themselves in the bodies they have.
And for the first time in my life, the conditioning I’ve been steeped in is slowly starting to fade. All the lies I have believed about my body are being replaced with words of healing and truth. I have many untruths left to let go of and unlearn, but the progress I’ve made has astounded me.
It feels amazing to see my body with new eyes. To stop wishing my body would morph into a better one and let go of the anger and disgust I had towards it. My journey to self-love began with a transcendent experience I had one night. I journeyed within my being and was able to communicate with my body.
I got a glimpse into the amount of pain I had caused my body. I saw how my refusal to accept her created a rift between us. I could feel how much love she had for me through it all and how she just wanted to be loved and accepted by me more than anything.
I was shown how she’d been patiently waiting for me to come to her, not with accusations, but with an open heart so we could begin repairing our relationship. What left me in awe was that she wasn’t angry with me. She didn’t try to hold any of my actions against me.
She saw right through me and knew exactly why I’d been so cruel. Within her was the wisdom that I hadn’t been able to previously grasp, and in her hands, forgiveness was ready and waiting for me to wrap around my being like a soft, warm blanket made with the love of someone who knows me utterly and completely.
I cried for everything I’d put her through. For the harm she’d had to endure at my hands for so very long. I began to release the pain and suffering that were held within. I started healing the wounds caused by the lies she had been force-fed.
This moment changed my relationship with myself profoundly. I now see my body from a completely different perspective. Not to say that I don’t still struggle because the conditioning runs deep, but the grasp it has on me has loosened. I feel much lighter and more comfortable in my skin now.
It has also affected how I view others. Before, I was full of as many judgments for others’ bodies as I had for my own. Now I can see the beauty of other bodies in a whole new light. It fills me with joy to see so many different and divine bodies all around me.
When we look at our bodies and respond with love, something begins to shift. We stop judging the perceived imperfections. We begin to see all of the marks, bumps, and scars as beautiful. We realize how much our bodies have endured and how strong that makes them.
When we love our bodies, we stop fighting with them, which births the dawn of a new and wondrous relationship. Loving our bodies allows us to be in communion with them. The choices we make about what to put in our mouths no longer come from what other people dictate but from the body itself.
We take our hands off the reins and hand them over to something much wiser. We choose to let go of control and let our bodies guide us. Self-love is the first step towards a reunion with ourselves. We are the most important relationship in our life—everything else blossoms from it.
Quotes:
We only control what we don’t trust. We can either control ourselves or love ourselves, but we can’t do both. Love is the opposite of control. Love demands trust. – Glennon Doyle
You can’t be the person you are and the person you want to become at the same time. – Ryan David
The more in life you let go, the more life you get to live. – Boho Beautiful
Once we can see that we are the ones who creates the structure of our beliefs, this helps us to recover faith in ourselves. – Don Miguel Ruiz and Don Jose Ruiz
As you begin to trust yourself, it literally changes every part of you. Every electro magnetic portion. Every spiritual vibration. So that you begin attracting new things to you. – Time of the Sixth Sun