I have spent years building my life from the ground up. All the pieces had been arranged with thought and care. Ample time and energy were spent creating every last detail. Little by little, it all began to unravel before my eyes. I now see my life’s work laid in ruins before my feet.
My past flashes before me. All the moments play out slowly. I snap back to the present moment to see more unraveling take place. I witness so many of the pieces I had lovingly created with purpose and hope all come apart. The ground beneath my feet shifts. It leaves me feeling dizzy and a little nauseous.
My mind cannot keep up with the rapid changes. My body absorbs shock after shock. It reverberates throughout my being, leaving me feeling somber. So many questions come up. Confusion takes me for a spin. I’m dancing and twirling, trying to pluck an answer from somewhere in the haze.
I catch a few, but so many are yet to be found. The answers are elusive, just beyond my understanding. Anger fills my chest then deflates like a balloon. Sadness lingers, leaving me feeling heavy and tired. The weight is becoming more familiar. It tells me not to despair because it’s not here to stay but to teach me for a while longer.
Emotions come up and out. Emptiness is left, leaving room for something new. Something real and raw and filled with possibilities. I feel I am the soil being tilled and implanted with seeds. I can feel the roots reaching down, taking hold. What will emerge is beyond my comprehension at the moment.
I’m realizing I don’t need to know. I’m trusting myself in profound new ways. I detect a new foundation is being constructed. One that can hold the magnitude of a freedom never before felt and a love being reborn. A new sense of aliveness is penetrating the air, making me hopeful for what’s to come.
Not since I was a child have I let myself be led in such a manner. Not being able to see the road ahead is somewhat terrifying. The one balm to my spirit has been the intimate relationship trust and I have been building with one another. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced this level of clarity.
I couldn’t have seen before now how trusting myself would change everything. Trusting myself to know what I want and go after it has been revolutionary. Trust is the well and self-love the water, and I am filling myself gradually. I am tasting what it feels like to live wildly, freely, utterly naked to myself.
Sometimes I cry from the beauty of it all. I have discovered a love for myself so incredibly precious. I can’t imagine another way of being anymore. I don’t want to. I am happy to continue living my life to the fullest with all its unexpected revelations. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.
I am not afraid of failing or making mistakes. I know I will fail a thousand times and learn from each and every one. It will make me stronger, smarter, and better equipped to try again. And that is all I can ask of myself. To never quit, and keep striving to make all my dreams come true.
In the end, I cannot think of a better way to live one’s life. Life is so very mysterious, and sometimes all we can do is hang on for the ride of our lives. And if we’re doing it right, then our hands are in the air, and we are shouting into oblivion with complete abandon. We smile from ear to ear because we are alive, and we know it.
Quotes:
Destruction or disruption of outer purpose can lead to finding your inner purpose and subsequently the arising of a deeper outer purpose that is aligned with the inner. – Eckhart Tolle
You have probably heard people say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. For the most part that’s true but only if you are willing to take the shit that you have experienced and use it as a fertilizer to grow a self-empowered life. – Master Coach Hu
Mistakes are a key component to progression and to life advancement. The mistakes have to happen and if you’re not making mistakes in life, you’re not doing something right. Those are the bumps in the road that help you do things better. – Boho Beautiful
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. – Johan Wolfgang Von Goethe
When you know who you are, when your mission is clear and you burn with the inner fire of unbreakable will; no cold can touch your heart, no deluge can dampen your purpose. You know that you are alive. – Chief Seattle